Tomorrow

So tomorrow I head into the OR for a sentinel node biopsy which will help my physicians determine if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. If there is cancer, they will take out my lymph nodes. This is a big deal because the decision trees go wonky if there is cancer and having your lymph nodes removed is NOT fun.

So we will know tomorrow when I wake up what happened and where we are headed next. We also met with plastic surgery to go over options. Turns out I am too "skinny" (feel free to laugh here) to do the tram flap reconstruction from the abdomen, so my option is implants (yes, I know what you are thinking...I asked Nick what size he prefers) at UM or going somewhere else for other surgical options. Implants would be done at the same time as the mastectomy, literally waking up with a new set...possibly without stretchers and the whole shebang. That puts me back in play in 3 weeks, which sounds really good. I am, after all, turning 40 soon and plan to have fun on my birthday.

Depending on how things go tomorrow, we will be able to plan next steps pretty quickly. I am still considering a move down to Houston to MD Anderson, but weighing all of the travel, time away from my kids, etc. It's a lot to consider. The kids are doing ok, a little fragile and confused I think, but that is to be expected. They know what is up and we are telling them things as they are happening (Mom got a shot tonight that tells the doctors which lymph nodes to look at, lymph nodes help clean your body, tomorrow she'll go in for surgery so they can take a couple out and look at them...). If you see them, please give them big smiles and affirming hugs. They need to know that everything is going to be ok.

Other things in life are going really well so I feel like I have a balance of things to look forward to in the next few months. I have to say that throughout my married life I've always wondered if something like this would happen, how we would deal with it. I can honestly say that when I married, I married above my grade. Nick has been an amazing friend and partner through every moment of weirdness and confusion of the past few weeks. I can't imagine what this would be like without someone so smart, knowledgeable, calm and solid to keep things moving forward. My sisters and their spouses have been a machine of information gathering, cheerleading and love. You, my friends, have been magnificent. I feel warmed every day by the love and energy I feel from you. You never know the strength of the fabric of community until you have to tug on a string. Warp and woof, my community is strong. I love you all. Thank you.

More to come...