Sunday, April 10, 2011

Prepping for the next stage

So I am spending the day today thinking through what comes next. I have decided to think of this journey in phases.  Phase I: Sentinel Node Biopsy, Phase II: Mastectomy and Reconstruction and Phase III: Chemo.

Truth be told, I am more freaked out about the chemo than I am about the surgery. I think if I had time warped back 15 years when reconstruction options were not as good, I would be a basket case about having the surgery and what that meant for my appearance and how I would miss aspects of my female self. But, feeling relatively good about those options, given what they are.

Now, the chemo is another story. The baldness. That gaunt "chemo" look. How in the hell do you make being bald look good? How do you "wear it well"? How do you get over the vanity? How do you not mind the staring that inevitably comes from curious people? I remember the pitying looks people used to give mom and I can barely stand the thought. That, and how being bald is going to totally freak out my kids. I need to just take one phase at a time, not get ahead of myself, be where I am in the process, be thankful for what I have going on while I have it going on.

 [Ok, here is the funny part...before I posted this I googled "bald women" and found that there are actually a number of models that are going bald this year. Even more humorous is that grey hair was in with the young, trendy London set last year. I am SO ahead of the curve! Whoo hooo! Hoping that my head shape is more like Demi's than Brittany's]

Just some thoughts on a sunny day. Time to sit outside and watch my husband plant peas. And be thankful. For even as this is a journey, it's light compared to what I could be facing, as I am reminded every time I step into the hospital.


  1. i am a huge fan of scarves and gorgeous head wraps and groovy earrings. you gotta start sporting funky earrings, it will make the look, a look. and yes to wigs. honestly if you want to have hair when you're out etc. a friend of mine lost all her hair and when out she wore a wig, kept her warm and feeling vibrant when she felt anything but.

    keep looking at the bright more time. and a break from styling or worrying about how to style your hair. you can have any hair you like now.

    BIG kisses to you and your gorgeous head.

  2. Big hugs from out here in Atlanta, GA. Yep, your head shape is definitely more Demi! You have great skin, make up is for off days.

  3. I'm imagining the meal you can make with those peas Nick is planting. It takes me to the future, where you're sitting in the sun, getting a well-rounded glow on your beautiful head, enjoying a fantastic meal and luxuriating with family and friends, completely on the mend. xo

  4. I think you will pull off bald beautifully

  5. Hi Fran - you don't know me - I'm a friend of Linette's. I think that she may have told you about me. Just a little advice on the bald stuff. First of all, it does suck. I'm not going to lie. It usually doesn't start happening until after the second treatment. Once I clogged up my shower with my hair, I just shaved my head. I had my oldest daughter (who was 4 at that time) come in the bathroom and watch me do it. She really wasn't freaked out about it at all. So, your kids may surprise you. They are very resilant. I had a wig but wore bandanas most of the time. And, though you do get more tired as chemo goes along, for me it was usually just the first few days after that I felt yucky. And, everything tasted funny for about a week or so. I worked through most of it and took time off and I needed to. I was never gaunt or sick looking and you probably won't be either :) Although, I did make an appointment to get my eyebrows done and then realized that I didn't have any left to do anything with! On top of it all, my hair grew back crazy curly. I call it chemo makeover. It sounds like you have a lot of support, but if I can be helpful to you, please feel free to email me.